


Feeling Underappreciated

by theoreticalgrey



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, I dunno I don't want to trigger anyone, Self-Harm, but it's generally clean just sad, danisnotonfire - Freeform, rated teen because self harm I guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 21:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7773424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticalgrey/pseuds/theoreticalgrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil has been down and is hiding something from Dan</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling Underappreciated

Phil was sat on the bathroom floor with the tap running so Dan couldn’t hear his muffled sobs as he cried into the rolled up sleeve of his shirt. In his other hand he held a razor blade. Small red and white lines were scattered up the arm of the rolled up sleeve. He finally gave a deep inhale of breath and pulled his self together enough to reach up to the counter for some tissues. He tried to wipe the dried blood from his arm to no avail. He sighed and pulled his self from the floor so he could use the water from the tap that had been running for the last several minutes. He let out small sobs and trembling breathes as the water stung the fresh cuts on his arm. 

Phil hadn’t felt all that accomplished lately. He knew he should be proud of everything he and Dan had been doing in the last few months, but it seemed like everyone was pushing him to the back burner and focusing on Dan. Of course Dan had noticed this as well and had been trying his best to make Phil feel like he wasn’t being left out, but Phil knew better. He could feel it with every comment he heard, every show they did. He knew he wasn’t as important as Dan. On one hand he didn’t mind because he wanted Dan to feel successful, but at the same time he was afraid. He was afraid he would lose subscribers. He was afraid of losing his job as a YouTuber. And most importantly, he was afraid of losing Dan. 

Phil dried off his arm and rolled down his sleeve. He wiped his face and tried his best to not look like he had just been sobbing. After a quick fringe check he quietly left the bathroom and walked in the kitchen, hoping Dan hadn’t noticed how long he had been gone. Unfortunately, Dan was standing in the kitchen when Phil walked in.

“Hey, Phil, there’s a pidgey in here!” Dan called furiously swiping upward on his phone. “Little shit won’t stay in the ball”.

Normally Phil would have taken his phone out and attempted to catch this elusive pidgey, but his heart wasn’t in it right now. He just wanted to grab some cereal from the kitchen and hide in his room. 

“Caught it!” Dan yelled triumphantly. “What about you Phil?” Dan turned to face Phil. What Dan saw was like a slap to the face. Phil looked terrible. Dan could tell he had been crying, but he was unsure of why. 

Phil grabbed a box of cereal from the cabinet and Dan didn’t say anything despite the fact that Phil had grabbed Dan’s box of cereal. As Phil started to walk away Dan reached up and grabbed Phil’s arm. Phil winced and dropped the box of cereal, spilling corn flakes all over the floor. 

“Phil? Are you okay?” Dan asked, ignoring the cereal that littered the floor. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Phil responded, avoiding eye contact as he bent down to clean the cereal from the floor.

Dan bent down to help him. “I didn’t mean to make you drop it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it’s karma for grabbing your cereal instead of my own”. 

Dan grabbed a dust pan from a cabinet and brushed the cereal pile into it then into the bin before walking back over to Phil. “You know you can talk to me, okay?” Dan said gently touching Phil’s hand.

“I know. Thanks” Phil said before walking off to his room. 

Dan stood in the living room trying to figure out what was wrong with Phil, but he didn’t want to pressure him into talking. He figured Phil would come talk to him if it was serious. He shrugged it off and went back to catching Pokemon.

Phil slipped into his room, locking the door behind him, and slid to the floor with his back against the wall. He sobbed quietly as he shoved a hand full of cereal into his mouth. He wanted so badly to talk to someone. He wanted to talk to Dan, but he felt like this was something Dan might not understand or that he might be offended in some way. The two of them had been through so much together and they always came to each other when they had issues, but Phil couldn’t bring his self to do it. He felt embarrassed about both the problem and the way he was handling it. He  
continued to sob on the floor, but pushed the box of cereal away.

Dan was still in the kitchen trying to track down an oddish that had just spawned somewhere nearby. He was praying it wasn’t outside because that just wasn’t in the cards for him today. He walked around the living room and the kitchen with no luck. He tried his bedroom before finally moving into the bathroom. Just as he entered the doorway the oddish popped up and battle mode was activated as he flicked countless pokeballs one after the other until he finally caught it. After the battle he instinctively walked into the bathroom to do a fringe check when he noticed something sitting on the counter. Chills went through him as he realized what he was looking at. On the counter sat a small razor blade. For a brief moment he tried to figure out where it had come from when he noticed there were small bits of dried blood on it. A sudden sadness hit him like a truck as he remembered Phil’s reaction when he had grabbed his arm earlier. 

“No”. Dan said quietly to his self. He instantly felt horrible. How could he let this happen? Why hadn’t Phil tried to talk to him? He flushed the razor down the toilet and quickly ran to Phil’s room. He knocked, but Phil didn’t answer so he tried the handle. Locked. He knocked again. 

“Phil? Can I come in? I, um, I saw something in the bathroom and I think maybe we need to talk”.

Phil was still on the floor sobbing quietly. He made no effort to get up as he figured Dan was talking about a moth or a  
spider.

“Phil…please, you don’t have to hide from me”

Phil raised his head from his arms and looked towards his door as he tried to figure out what Dan was talking about. Then it hit him, he forgot to take his razor from the counter after he had washed his arm. Dan must have found it. He sniffled and tried to pull his self together as he walked over toward the door. He unlocked it and cracked it open enough for he and Dan to see each other.

“Dan, I’m sorry-“, Phil began before his sobbing got the better of him. He stepped back from the door and allowed Dan to open it. 

“Shh, Phil, it’s okay”, Dan said as held Phil in a tight hug. 

Phil cried harder than he had in the last few months. He didn’t have anything to hide anymore.  
The two of them ended up sitting on the floor in a tight hug while Phil cried his self out. Dan rubbed Phil’s back with his free arm and repeated that it was going to be okay. Phil’s crying eventually slowed to an occasional “hic” noise and some sniffling. Dan pulled away from him so they could face each other.

“Phil, we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. But I think it might help you if you do. I’m here for you and I love you, okay?” Dan said.

Phil gave a slight smile and nodded. “I’m sorry, Dan. I didn’t want you to see this. I didn’t want you to find out. It’s really a dumb reason”. 

Dan brushed Phil’s hair from his face. “I’m sure it’s not”.

Phil hesitated. He had kept this all bottled up for months. It seemed too easy to just let it all go like this, but he was ready for it to end. He was tired of feeling so horrible. 

“I don’t know, I just feel, underappreciated. Not by you, but by the media, some of our fans, and by the YouTube community. I feel like when they say Dan and Phil they mean DAN and that guy that’s his friend. I don’t want to be disrespectful to you, because I love that you are getting all this attention, but I guess I just feel like you could do it without me, you know?”

Dan knew what Phil was talking about. He had noticed the way that some fans and other youtubers treated Phil. He hated it, but he didn’t realize how much of a toll it was taking on Phil. 

“I understand how you’re feeling. I know I can’t change how you feel or how others act, but I want you to think about something for a minute. Think about how much of a mess I am. And who is there to make sure I make it through a normal day. I wouldn’t remember how to function without you there by my side. Others may not give you the appreciation you deserve, but I appreciate you so much. Anyone who doesn’t isn’t someone who has an opinion worth listening to. You are amazing. There’s a reason your name is amazingphil. You are a brilliant inspiration to not just me, but several fan and other youtubers. I know it’s difficult to look passed those incompetent individuals that are getting you down. I want you to remember how many people look up to you. Hell, I wouldn’t even be this accomplished without you. I never would have joined youtube without you”.  
Phil couldn’t believe that Dan felt so strongly about him. He knew that Dan supported him, but knowing all of this made him glow a tiny bit on the inside. He smiled and Dan smiled back at him. He was at a loss for words, but he felt so much better.

“Thank you, Dan”. Was all he could get out. He was feeling a flurry of emotions and for the first time in a while they  
were happy. 

Dan smiled at Phil and could see in his face that his words were sinking in. 

“Now, come on, we have a Pokemon infestation in this apartment” Dan said standing up and offering Phil a hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! So this ended up being rather sad, but I was dealing with some issues and channeling it into a fic seemed like the best way to go about it. I hope you enjoyed it and please let me know if you have any topics for me! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Have a wonderful day c:


End file.
